Tragedy strikes NRA Meeting.
23 Dead, 47 Say They Got the Guy
At 11:28 this morning in Hollowhead North Carolina there was a scene of chaos as gunfire erupted at an NRA conference. At this time it is unknown how many assailants were involved in the shooting, but there are confirmed 23 dead, and at least 75 injured.
Among the injured are 37 self inflicted gunshot wounds, mostly to the foot. Paramedic Steven Michaels remarked “I have never seen anything like it, there are toes everywhere. You want a toe? I can get you a toe, with nail polish.”
Forty seven people have come forward to police stating that they managed to take out the shooter or shooters. So far reports conflict as to how many shooters actually started the gun battle, but it is clear they picked a target rich with law abiding gun owners ready to return fire.
“From the reports I’m getting it was a day full of heroism, with gun owners taking a stand to make our streets a safer place.” Sheriff Joe Rapio.
From witnesses, the shooting started at the back of the conference room where NRA speakers had gathered to give a talk on how destructive video games are to peaceful society. The key note speaker Ted Numbnut was just about to begin his speech. “When all of a sudden I heard bang, bang, bang and it just kept going. I knew right away some socialists had stormed the room, so I jumped up, drew my gun, and started shooting anyone who didn’t look Christian.” Numbnut continues. “I know I got six of the commie bastards. Unfortunately my manager got caught in the crossfire, at least he died a patriot. That’s how I’ll remember it.”
Witnesses are split on whether they think the massacre was precipitated by video games or Obamacare, but they all agreed something must be done to limit both their effects on society.
UPDATE 2:43 pm: “Careful review of security camera footage reveals that the shooting began after some firecrackers were set off by static electricity. The fireworks were on a table at the back of the hall. They were for a celebration planned by the Tennessee delegation to mark the end of the assault weapons ban. There were some people making balloon animals nearby and they generated a spark too close to the firecrackers. In the confusion people saw others with a gun and assumed them to be the instigators, unfortunately it seems the quickest on the draw became the assumed criminals, and first victims.” -Hollowhead Police Spokesperson
Upon hearing the news NRA spokesman LaPierre responded “This just goes to show how dangerous firecrackers really are and the need for us to ban them immediately. Along with video games.”
A nues flash from thelimbermind.com